Nothing seems clearer.
As I sit in front of the mirror.
In my dressing room’s darkness.
A knock shouts, “10 minutes!”
Years of laughs and cheers!
There’s a part of me living in tears.
Crowds coming to see me every night. An illusion is their only sight.
They see me smile and laugh a lot. On the outside you may think, I’m happy with the life I’ve got.
There’s a part of me nobody will ever see.
A part of me who isn’t who he wants to be.
The ache is so deep.
There are times I can hardly breathe.
I’m not the money, or the fame. I’m not the one who’s got it made.
Fortunes coming in like the wind blows. So much money, how could I ever say no?
Movies and magazines were my scene. My life was just make believe.
What will be waiting for me at my life’s end?
Will I reflect back and remember moments with my real friends?
Finding my way, in a moment, I would give this all away!
Crowds cheer to see it all!
As I drown my life in sadness all alone.
So many places and towns.
My crazy world just keeps going round.
Flying cross the sky’s, wishing I could close my eyes and die.
Another 747, just beyond the wings I would jump to find my Heaven.
Getting so caught up, in pretending to be something I’m not.
Feeling so alone at the top.
Wishing there was a way to scream and stop!
So many lessons learned.
So many left me to burn!
“It’s time!” As I awake from a dream fantasized,
that has never materialized.
Walking out the door, been here 1,000 times before.
Quietly I whisper “No.”
Wishing there was another place left to go…
I want to run from all the lights, as the crowds cheers come into sight.
So many reaching arms, I find it so hard to smile and keep calm.
Rows of 100’s seated high above.
yet I feel no love.
Full house, I can’t imagine!
This pain, I can barely manage.
Holding back tears on the stage about to begin.
Wishing this would all end.
Looking at me you’d think I stand strong.
Yet my presence feels so small.
Fans cheer and soar, as my heart screams in torture!
They can’t believe they are there,
as I live this quiet nightmare!
Hundreds who couldn’t make it in, stand outside.
As I silently plan my suicide.